en Monday’s Thoughts …

Updated on June 8, 2020 | 194 Views all
4 on June 1, 2020

It’s Monday, the weekend is over and I’m glad another day has almost finished. The days now get longer and time flies by so incredibly fast that I feel I am getting old too quick. What have I done with my life the past few years? How does it come that I end up like a wooden shipwreck on the ocean’s bottom? I don’t know. But asking myself this question every morning when I get up from this old uncomfortable mattress. So tired that I wish I could sleep forever and not waking up again. Yes, it feels exactly like this.

Last year I lost simply everything, car, insurances, my small apartment including furniture and all other stuff due of being too kind to somebody who took advantage of me. I am not highly educated nor skilled in professions, that’s why I’ve had worked my entire life so far, since I am 15, as laborer on construction sites. Could not build up savings. Now with 34 years my back, hands and knees are done from this work. Had to move to my mother’s & sister’s apartment for a short time, both had to move to my sister’s father because of his disability he needed help in his everyday life.

So, I was homeless almost three months at the beginning of this year. Slept in basements or abandoned buildings. What a terrible experience this was you can imagine for yourself. Now I have a small room for the nights and have to share the place where I am currently with others. Constantly seeking for small job gigs in this rural area, which is almost impossible because of no industry and demographic issues. Have been searching for help the past few months without any success. The truth is, I could ask all eight billion people on this planet, but no one would give me the needed help to end this nightmare. Which is understandable of course.

What can you do when you need help but there is no one who’s listening, no friends, since they left due of my situation, family has their own issues and cannot be of a help, if there is no solution? You accept this after a time, and just hope that someday in the near future all ends, and then you can sleep for eternity. It shouldn’t sound negative or sad but at this point I am no longer able to look forward. I do not see any future.

My only and probably last solution is moving to the next bigger city. Could work there as car painter and even make some good salary. But I cannot simply move or rent a small apartment, since I have nothing to go there. No savings to pay rental deposit, or to get a few pieces of furniture, to ride out the first few weeks until getting paid. No one will help you when you are in such situation as I am now, but I understand this totally. I have tried long enough to find somebody who is able to lend me a small loan for this move to a better future. It’s not about a handout, because I want to pay it back. It’s also about ending a nightmare and starting a new life, this is what organisations or banks do not understand.

So, I simply accept the fact that my life is done. Let’s be honest.. There is no option, any help or magic force that will grant you a wish. Life or the world in generally is not like this. I am not sad or depressive, because I have accepted my destiny and unfortunately we cannot change our destiny. I will be happy again when all has ended, and I can finally sleep. For eternity.

 

  • Liked by
Reply

Be the first to post a comment.

3 on June 1, 2020

Hi there! First of all WOW.. Just because of your honest posting I signed up here. I know very well through what you’re going.. Been there in my life myself, and can say banks and all other institutions  will just laugh and there is nothing you actually can do. 2 people helped me in the past with an amount that helped me to get back on the track in life again. 1 friend and a friend of him, so far I have paid it almost entirely back to them now. Without their help I would be sitting on the streets and probably be an addict. Without These 2 people’s help I don’t know where I would be now…There are still kind people in this world believe this.

on June 2, 2020

Thank you for your kind words. I know there are still good people out there. Unfortunately I don’t have any friends here where I am currently. That’s the reason why I am stuck and can’t make a step forward in my situation.

on June 2, 2020

Sorry to hear this. I wish I could help you Right now. But not possible at the Moment.

on June 8, 2020

No worries, that’s life and sometimes we cannot do anything to change certain situations. Seems like I am completely fucked now, and will be homeless again in a few weeks.

Show more replies
  • Liked by
Reply
Cancel
Loading more replies
  • en enjoying 5751 tube on 5D3 v1

  • a member here recommended me 5751 for tweed deluxe v1 socket. and I’m impressed with this setup. I grabbed this off ebay for $32 even the kind seller sent me an extra GE 5751.

    I’d say it’s way better than stock 12ay7 and 12at7 on v1.

    and 5751 on 5F1 reduces the output volume a bit. but still a good sounding tube

     

    Load More...
  • en 3.5mm 1/8″ to 1/4″ TRS plug adapter – $1 vs. $10 Sennheiser

  • didn’t expect any noticeable difference between them. but there are actually. Sennheiser 1/8″ to 1/4″ phone plug adapter sounds way better

     

    Load More...
  • en how vacuum tube works

  • Load More...
  • en Yokomo CVD bones

  • This post would be a help. but it seems impossible to get them unless you guys push MIP to make them again.

    Yokomo YZ10, Works, and 870C universal drives info

    it’s the basic info for Yokomo CVD bones
    ’94 YZ10 front CVD bone 84mm
    ’94 YZ10 rear CVD bone 79mm
    MX4 rear CVD bone 79mm

    Kysho RB5/RB6 70mm CVD bones work for 870C F/R

    MX4 rear bone works with ’94 YZ10 rear. and, Works F/R
    ’94 YZ10 rear bone works with Works F/R. and, for 870C front wide setup
    Bj4 front bone doesn’t work for Yokomo diff cups

    ’94 YZ10 front

     

    from the top, MX4 Rear / ’94 YZ10 Rear / Jconcpets BJ4 front.

    the length are identical to each other. but the head pins are not. I’ve tried more CVD bones from AE and Losi. and all the US brand CVD bones have bigger head pins which don’t fit Yokomo diff cups

    While the length is identical, Bj4 CVD bone don’t work for Yokomo diff cups

     

    ’94 yz10 cvd bones go deep inside of the diff

     

    MX4 bones have longer head pins. it’s fine except for 870C

     

     

    870C front wide setup with ’94 YZ10 CVD
     
     
    Load More...
  • en gathering information on vintage tweed champ output transformer

  • while I’m working on a tweed champ 5f1 replica with 10″ speaker, I recall they say the output transformers affect the tone.

    and, I noticed I never saw the back side of champ chassis before. it’s where I start finding a vintage OT for my project

     

    Load More...
  • en Retro Bj4.3 part 3

  • Needed to see the B44.3 chassis to make a new chassis for this project. got the chassis along with the original Bj4 chassis. it’s the first time to see the original version. and I can see the wheelbase is identical to Bj4 worlds edition.

     

     

    B44.3 chassis is 4mm longer than B44’s. but still the Bj4 and B44 bodies fit the chassis. the structure is different for the front and rear bulkheads. Bj4 was built with Nitro TC3 parts. and B44 series has it’s own bulkheads and tranny, diff cups and more

    you can check the wheelbase here

    https://slowbean.net/2015/06/a-quick-update-for-retro-bj4/

     

     

    And, the under tray came from B44.2 Bulldog body set from Pro-line
    http://www.prolineracing.com/bodies/bulldog-clear-body-b442/

     

     

     

     

    With some original Bj4 parts from Jconcepts, AE, and Losi

     

     

    Load More...
  • en Monday’s Thoughts …

  • It’s Monday, the weekend is over and I’m glad another day has almost finished. The days now get longer and time flies by so incredibly fast that I feel I am getting old too quick. What have I done with my life the past few years? How does it come that I end up like a wooden shipwreck on the ocean’s bottom? I don’t know. But asking myself this question every morning when I get up from this old uncomfortable mattress. So tired that I wish I could sleep forever and not waking up again. Yes, it feels exactly like this.

    Last year I lost simply everything, car, insurances, my small apartment including furniture and all other stuff due of being too kind to somebody who took advantage of me. I am not highly educated nor skilled in professions, that’s why I’ve had worked my entire life so far, since I am 15, as laborer on construction sites. Could not build up savings. Now with 34 years my back, hands and knees are done from this work. Had to move to my mother’s & sister’s apartment for a short time, both had to move to my sister’s father because of his disability he needed help in his everyday life.

    So, I was homeless almost three months at the beginning of this year. Slept in basements or abandoned buildings. What a terrible experience this was you can imagine for yourself. Now I have a small room for the nights and have to share the place where I am currently with others. Constantly seeking for small job gigs in this rural area, which is almost impossible because of no industry and demographic issues. Have been searching for help the past few months without any success. The truth is, I could ask all eight billion people on this planet, but no one would give me the needed help to end this nightmare. Which is understandable of course.

    What can you do when you need help but there is no one who’s listening, no friends, since they left due of my situation, family has their own issues and cannot be of a help, if there is no solution? You accept this after a time, and just hope that someday in the near future all ends, and then you can sleep for eternity. It shouldn’t sound negative or sad but at this point I am no longer able to look forward. I do not see any future.

    My only and probably last solution is moving to the next bigger city. Could work there as car painter and even make some good salary. But I cannot simply move or rent a small apartment, since I have nothing to go there. No savings to pay rental deposit, or to get a few pieces of furniture, to ride out the first few weeks until getting paid. No one will help you when you are in such situation as I am now, but I understand this totally. I have tried long enough to find somebody who is able to lend me a small loan for this move to a better future. It’s not about a handout, because I want to pay it back. It’s also about ending a nightmare and starting a new life, this is what organisations or banks do not understand.

    So, I simply accept the fact that my life is done. Let’s be honest.. There is no option, any help or magic force that will grant you a wish. Life or the world in generally is not like this. I am not sad or depressive, because I have accepted my destiny and unfortunately we cannot change our destiny. I will be happy again when all has ended, and I can finally sleep. For eternity.

     

    Load More...
  • en Riders In the Sky (American Outlaws: Live at Nassau Coliseum, 1990)

  • The Highwaymen performing “Ragged Old Flag” from American Outlaws: Live at Nassau Coliseum, 1990 Listen to The Highwaymen: https://Highwaymen.lnk.to/listenYD…

     

    Load More...
  • en late 50’s Sprague bumble bee and black beauty caps

  • all they are .022uf 400v Sprague caps from the same era. there were PIO and Mylar Black Beauty and Bumble Bee caps with the same model number 104263B

    Load More...
  • en LUXAR ONLINE – Community title,logo design

  • Load More...